he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
