FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
