Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
