We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
