My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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