i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
