Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
