you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
