im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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