i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
But break dance skills will only take you so far
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
