There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
