I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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