In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
