I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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