if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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