I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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