Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
COCAINE IS GR8
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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