Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
