How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
