definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
