Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
