if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
