Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
