Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize