i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
