stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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