You just made me feel so damn special
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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