Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
