God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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