no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
