we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
