well you can't waste a boner
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
