Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
