Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
