was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
