Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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