it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
