The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
As shirtless as possible
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
