Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You need a sexual gate keeper
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
