I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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