My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize