My friends, they love my intelligence
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
