I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize