I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
