people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
