Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
