we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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