dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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