Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Couch. On fire.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
