Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
