some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
