I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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