I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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