She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize