I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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