Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
