He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Who died my cat blue again?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
