i permit you to call me
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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