I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
