I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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