Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
