I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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