a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize