I just saw a hot homeless man
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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