I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
