im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
