whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We are two peas in an std pod
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
