I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
