im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
