Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
