i just snorted my name. best moment ever
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
