i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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