we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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