Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
