I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
