I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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