I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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