Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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