we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
